What is the point of a blog?

My reason for blogging is to bring some entertainment to anyone who would care to read it. But heck, I've come across blogs where their whole lives are described to the minutest detail that you feel that yanking your hair out with a huge plier would be less painful.

And seriously, who on "EARTH" would read it? Hopefully there's life "out there" if only to read blogs like these to gain information enough to invade Earth. At least then, we'd know that the hideous blog was useful to someone/something in this universe.

I would argue that it is extremely dangerous to post so much of information on the internet. Why, a burgler need only read a victim's blog to know that the lonely bachelor lives at such and such street and leaves home at 11.29 p.m to "Club Doas" everyday in a pitiful attempt to woo a "possible wife" and comes back only at 4.30 a.m after being rejected for like the 30th time for the night where he promptly sits down at his computer and types the whole sorry episode in his blog. A burgler need only read until the part where he describes how he had "so much trouble bending down (because of the gout in his spine) to pick up the spare house key under the flower pot and couldn't get up again because his left foot suddenly decided to sleep" to know the time and place to pilfer the idiot silly.

Idiotic public blogs with photographs of family, friends, relatives, home, school, left wart, right wart, pimple 1, pimple 2 .... pimple 1483; with so much detail that even the CIA, FBI, MI5 and many others are probably just visiting your blog every few days to update the information on their databases.

What all this boils down to is...if you're gonna write a blog, make it interesting literature with as little detail of your real life as possible. And please resist the temptation to document "the ecstasy you experienced as you watched your left toenail grow for 3 weeks without blinking an eyelid". I'm sure we can expect a call from the president any moment now.

Exams...and their toll on the students of the "Alma Mater"

Its finally the time of the year when the Ol "Alma Mater" imposes its will by implementing the questionable process of "Exams" in order to test the "knowledge" of its student populace. The effects of such procedures have taken a toll on the remaining survivors of the semester. On my msn today...

- "How Great is our God - dis appointment"
- "It seems with Death incapacitated, my matricidal efforts are futile. I must do all I can to accelerate his convalescence."
- "My answers are all WRONG!!"
- "I think I was a corn in my previous life"
- "It's complex, simple"
- "Questions... do you really have to answer them?"
- "After much thought and consideration, I discovered "LIFE SUXXX"!!!"
- "Be Happy :) Cos This Life Worths Lot More Than We Realize :)"
- "I hate this time of the sem - Losing it Big time"
- "B/L qs are not easy...must finish material tonight"


Ahhhh..... it is heartening to note that the light that shines in the murky depths of this bog, is that... I am not alone!

A final word before signing out for the next 2 weeks... Good Luck.

The Horror of it all!

Horror, Horror, Horror! Thats all we see in hollywood these days. I can't understand it. What happened to good ol "casblanca"?

Now all we see in hollywood is, "The Exocist, SAW, SAW2, The Fog, House of Wax, Dark waters, Gothika, Dawn of the dead, blah blah blah.... Every damn movie is bloody scary sh**. And the worst part is, they don't even have storylines. I mean, you go to a movie get scared sh**less and come out not even knowing what the hell got you so scared.

I don't mind all the horror and all that, but what I most detest is the way people spend money to go see stupid horror movies with no storylines, continuously. I couldn't understand it at first, and suddenly, it struck me. I finally figured out why they do it. Ever notice how much they boast about the horror movie they saw the previous night? Yeah, I did. Its because they want people to think that they're brave and courageous and all that crap. Talk about boasting. This is taking it to a new level. They actually go watch the movie so that they can boast with sincerity. Me, I just boast about the movie without actually watching it. Hey, there's no story line, so it's no problem. The title generally indicates the horror causing creature/demented phycho/alien/murdering ghost etc... So its very easy to keep up a conversation without actually having seen it. A typical conversation would go like this.

Me: "Did you see the movie last night?"
Idiot who watched the movie is scared sh**less: "Yeah, it wasn't scary at all!"
Me: "Yeah, and they like call it a 'horror' movie. Sheeesh!"
Idiot: "Totally! I mean, when the alien rips the guys' head off and drinks his brains, I totally knew it was special effects"
Me: "Duuuuh!! I mean how lame is that?"
Idiot: "Yeah, that was prety lame man! And I like totally knew he was gonna do that!"
Me: "Ok man, I have to go get some sleep. Cya tomorrow!"
Idiot: "Hang on man, are you going my way?"
Me: "err...no, I don't live close to your place"
Idiot: "Well.....err....you could stay at my place today if you want... "

And guess what! Hollywood knows that there are idiots out there who do this...often! I admit, the movies would scare me as well. But I don't go watching horror movies continuously so that I'm scared half my life. An occasional horror now and then is ok. But a horror movie every week?? Thats just insane! Especially anyone who goes watching all of them. And the fact is, people do go watch all of them. Just to prove to everyone that they're not afraid. And in my opinion, thats more horrifying than watching the damned thing. My advice is, next time you want to be a hero, WALK YOU OWN DAMNED SELF HOME AT NIGHT!

Engineering Professionalism

Engineering Professionalism is the name of the new compulsory module for all budding engineers in my Uni. Since I have to take it in order to graduate, I thought, heck...lets just do it and get it over with. I thought it was ok at first; you know....a different module from the norm, with a clearer objective to what you are studying and all that jazz.

But I was wrong. Modules at my place have lots of projects. And, projects work in the following way. You give someone a topic, ask him to either research discuss or whatever...and you ask that person to write a report on it. But...BUT... you always give a guidline as to where the project should end up.

From the projects that I have done so far, my guidlines to the conclusions were as clear as the smogs on London's winter nights. So lucid were they, that I could hardly see the fronts of my outstretched hands. So many times have I fallen into the Thames that I now just stand and wait for the smog to lift(usually after the results come out) so that I can walk again.

The only module that promised a clear day was this, and then....

30% project on "End of the Petroleum Era" submit by 17th Oct. Project must relate to Engineering Professionalism.

And I'm like WTF?!?!?

What the Blo*** H*** does the End of the Petroleum Era have anything to do with Engineering Professionalism????? And I've been trying to find a connection for the past 3 weeks!! My clear day turned from sunshine to smog on my very first step. Now I'm in midstride of my first step waiting for the bloody thing to lift. I don't dare move in case my next step is into the Thames.

Engineering Professionalism...my A**. A module deviating from the norm my A**. Next time some idiot even hints that a particular module is different from the normal, I gonna shove him back into the Thames from whence he came, and make sure he stays down there.

DON'T READ THIS!

Why is it that the moment you tell someone not to do something...the person immediately does it. I mean...I'm telling you not to read this...but you are still reading it...
C'mon..stop it. I'm telling you not to!
Let it be...let not curiosity become you!
Let it go!
Stop!
Now!
I mean it...!

Sigh...What can be done? Curiosity is the victor...as always!..Still reading right? ok...fine! I guess I'd better write something so as to satify your curiosity. But let me warn you...again...stop reading!

Ok here goes...

"Once upon a time, there was a cat. And the cat was an extremely curious cat. But that I mean that the cat had a curious nature, and not that the cat was of a curious disposition that it made other cats stare at him going "Ye gods! What a curious cat!" No. It wasn't that sort of curiousity. If you know what I mean. Anyway, this cat, the curious one, not the one with the curious disposition, was taking a stroll through the kitchen. As it passed, it noticed the fire in the fireplace. As it had never seen a fire before, (being new to the scene and all that...) it took a long look at it and said "What the F*** is that?" (as we all know, cats are pretty vain creatures, and they think thay can say pretty much anything on TV or err...Internet...its all the same to them) Anyway, the stupid cat was entranced by the flames licking the black couldron and ventured to investigate the source of this enchantment. It went closer, and closer. The heat increasing with each step. Until its face was nearly touching the flames...

After that...I'm afraid the story tethers out. By the way, I've no idea what happens to the cat. I did a google search as well; but the story of how "Curiosity killed the cat" is not in existence. Weird huh!

Anyway, it wasn't my fault you read it. I told you not to.

Tata for now!

What Civil Engineers do in their spare time

1. Write blogs
2. Read other peoples' blogs
3. Try out phrases such as counter-incomprehension during discussions to sound like its something important.
4. Create new phrases such as imcomprehensible intuitive comprehension to use in discussions.
5. Read "Direct Stiffness Matrix Analysis for Trusses Frames and counter-incomprehensible Beams" by James Whatsisname.
6. Try to program in C .
7. Watch the clock tick.
8. Look at a structure, admire the structure and move on to the next structure.
9. Does all the work and watch the credit go to some dumb*** mother******* sonofa***** architect who just sits around and dreams up of dumbass structures for us civil engineers to design.
10. Plot to kill architects.
11. Maybe strangling...but, damn...too much evidence.
12. Wait...maybe if he slips and falls on a knife...
13. No, No....following him around with a knife won't look good.
14. Aha...I got it. Maybe if I design the primary slab of the 2nd floor of the 56 story building he designed, to take only 27.392173 tons of load rather than 30.945673 tons, it'll fall down at the precise moment his body weight of 75.8234 kg enters the building thereby crushing him flat...muahahaha...Muahahahaha, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
15. But what if they examine the building and find that the 2nd floor was designed to withstand only 27.392173 tons and not 30.945673 tons as it was supposed to be designed for....damn...I knew there was a flaw in the plan.
16. Contemplate new strategy for doing in evil architect.
17. Get back to staring at clock.

Soil, soil everywhere, but not a grain to ...errm... build!

I knew soils (different types) were complicated, but let me tell you, I never expected it to blow my mind they way it did this semester. I tell you, you think you've learnt everything possible about soils, but then what you've really done is only touched the tip of the iceberg. Todays soil mechanics paper had me drawing 5 different graphs; each of which had to be extrapolated in odd ways, tangents drawn to curves where curves only barely existed, angles bisected using compasses, set squares used to draw parallel lines, protractor used to determine angles and to top it off, we had to draw one even on a semi-log graph. And a semi-log graph is not as simple as I thought it was...you can't just plot that axis and start drawing. A log graph is less complicated than this. Here is a link you can check out. click here

Anyway, all this boils down to soil being more complicated than we thought. Gone are the days when the sand box was nothing but sand and happy memories. Now it's just a box of particles with large grain sizes that are unsuitable for building foundations' as well as has low ability to retain water, hence ruducing the water table in and around the area making the soil around it settle by consolidation resulting in more construction work to stabilise the buildings nearby to prevent them from crashing to the ground. Boy I loved the sand box!

The autobiograpy of an Earthworm

One day an earthworm was born. It opened it's eyes and it was dark. (by the way, earthworms don't have eyes, so this is metaphorically speaking. I'm assuming that the earthworm sensed that it was dark. Anyway, it was dark) And the earthworm was wondering why it was so dark, and decided to find light. It moved a bit and felt some brown earth. (by the way, this is again metaphorically speaking because, as you know, earthworms don't have eyes. So, I'm again assuming that the earthworm sensed that it was brown and that it was earth. Anyway, it was brown, and by lucky chance, it was indeed earth) So, after moving along the brown earth, the earthworm saw light. (and again I am assuming that the earthworm sensed light, because as you all now know, earthworms don't have eyes. And I'm getting the feeling that the senses of these modern earthworms are pretty acute what. I mean, they seem to be getting these things right, because "Voila" it was indeed light!). The earthworm took a peak and sensed some dark "thing" flapping towards it. (For some reason, the earthworm was not able to sense what this "thing" was) And thats about as developed as earthworms' senses get. Further interrogation of other earthworms have proven that the "thing" has not yet been identifed, and the race of earthworms insist that they will identify this "thing" or die trying!

PS: If you are an earthworm, please click here and the "thing" shall be revealed and you and your race shall suffer no more! (Please click here for pictures of the "thing". WARNING: Pictures maybe disturbing, especially for young earthworms who are not mentally prepared)

PPS: If you are an earthworm, please click here for a picture of yourself (You can at least sense it even if you can't see it...hehe!)

Gimme a ticket for god's sake!

Take a look at these pictures I found on the net. I sure hope they just fine me, rather than do this to my car.


It HAD to go through the glass....ouch!



His only excuse would be if his landing gear was jammed.

And here are some videos. I really don't want to be the victim when this happens!

Clip 1

Clip 2

And here's a guy who just beats the system! AWESOME!

Clip 3

More stuff in my next post!

Mugging and Studying!

This is a deviation from my regular posts because it's short. (I'm a kinda busy with assignments and ....well anyway here it is)

It's usually the brainy ones who get the lecturer's attention. And I thought it appropriate to put down a list of attention grabbers for the not so gifted.

Tips for drawing attention to yourself at class! (Subtle deviations, that get the desired effect, yet not enough to get you thrown out of the class)

1. Interupt the lecturer in a crucial part of the lecture and tell him that he talks too fast. (It's best to arrange for some of your friends to agree at this point)
2. Drop your instrument box on the floor. (Thrice is more than enough. 4 times will get you the boot)
3. Pretend to faint. (Don't be afraid to lie on the floor for a while)
4. Come in late from the back of the class, and walk right upto the front row and sit directly in front of the teacher saying "Excuse me" as you do so.
5. If you're sitting in the last row, make a vomiting sound, hold your mouth, run right down the class and exit through the front door hurriedly.
6. When the lecturer announces a change in date for a midterm or assignment (or anything really, it doesn't matter). Shout "What the Hell??" so that everyone hears.
7. Laugh raucously when the lecturer makes his one and only corny joke for the semester.
8. Suddenly take your textbook and bang it on your head repeatedly.

This should be enough to keep you/lecturer occupied for a while. Until next time, Happy Mugging!

PS: You won't believe this, but mugging means studying in Singapore!

Bryan the Civil Engineer

Once upon a time, Bryan decided to become a civil engineer. And we all know what a noble profession that is, so anyone here who supports him, say "Yay, waitago Bryaaaan!".

So after going through his remaining 6 years of school + the 4 years of civil engineering training at the National University of Singapore, Bryan finally graduated as a civil engineer at the modest age of only 20. He was so happy and proud that he wanted to start work immediately. The very next day, he vigorously applied for civil engineering jobs all over the country so that his "dream" may finally become a reality.

As you may have observed, Bryan has a very optimistic personality. And so, 6 months and 2578 applications later, he finally received an interview for a civil engineering position in the Bukit Buttok* area of Singapore. This was his second interview so far.

The first did not turn out so well as the boss was perhaps too descriptive of the job at the interview(often not a good idea. You will see why shortly) The first interview turned out something like this.

President of Company: Why do you want to join our company?
Bryan: I am a very keen civil engineer and even though I have very little experience, I feel that I could contribute to your highly esteemed company by helping in the Pasir Pilllow project by suggesting some techniques I've developed. These techniques can halve the time for the project and increases productivity.
President: That's very impressive Mr. Bryan. I have just one more question and even though it is very trivial, I feel that it should be asked. If while you are on duty, one of the workers throws himself off the scaffolding and falls 12 floors to meet his maker, what would you do?
Bryan: Oh...err...err...I guess I should report the "accident" to the company.
President: hmm... hmmm...hmmmm

Needless to say, Bryan didn't receive the job.

The second company's name was Kiasu* Constructors (PVT) Ltd. Although Bryan was becoming somewhat disgruntled the past 6 months, on receiving his 2nd invitation for an interview, his optimism came back in cascades that only rollercoaster enthusiasts would feel as they fell head-fast into the raging waters of "The tides of Hell".

This time he was careful with his wording by clearly assuring his boss that the nearest dozer would be ready with the earth to cover the body before you could say "Hot Diggety Dang".

He was given the job immediately and was told to report to the site the very next day.

In my experience and probably in all of your experiences as well , job interviews really have very little to do with the actual job at hand(who's with me there?).

Bryan's first day at work was pretty much what he expected. A civil site, with civil workers, civil excavators, civil construction; yep, Bryan was the happiest man on Earth, and "what had job interviews to do with the actual job at all?" he laughed. "People throwing themselves off buildings...HAHAHAHA!" he laughed.

Only last week did I hear that he'd broken the record for "Best sales-person of the year" at Hollies (Orchard Road) for 6 years straight. And he's only 26 years old!

* These names are NOT made up. If you don't believe me, ask a Singaporean.

A civil engineering roadsign 

The Joys of Civil Engineering

Anyone who has visited Singapore will still remember some sites even if they can't remember anything else about Singapore. And those are, construction sites. Singapore is abundant with construction sites, and I am a Civil Engineer in training. I am a 2nd year Civil Engineering student at the National University of Singapore. And this blog, is an introduction to Civil Engineering to all of you non-civil engineers out there.

There are several advantages of being in civil engineering.

1. You get to learn cool equations (which are almost impossible to forget)
eg. fct = k fcu
2. You get to play with mud and sand and dirt (and your mom can't do anything about it..haha!)
3. You get to play outdoors everyday (Breath fresh air at work, instead of inhaling the chlorinating fumes of a hospital, or air-conditioned office)
4. You get to .... err...err...forgot the last one (let me get back to that)

Anyway, as you can see, there are many benefits to Civil Engineering, and only a few people in this world really know what a civil engineer does. Aside from the 3 (or possibly 4) fun stuff civil engineers do, they also design/build stuff like roads, bridges, highways, roads, buildings, castles, mansions, roads, apartments, roads etc..

Without civil engineers, civilisation ceases to exist (duhh...civil engineers, vis-à-vis civilisation). And this not only applies to civilisations; cause without civil engineers, civil servants die, civilians die, civil rights die, civil aviation dies, civil ships sink, civil cars crash, civil stock markets fall, civil countries disappear(Note: the US will never disappear) and anything that is civil will be annihilated from the face of the Earth.

So that’s why civil engineers are important. And that’s why I'm studying civil engineering, cause you will always need a civil engineer for engineering civil ...err...civil...err..stuff.

Please visit these sites if you want to know more about civil engineering.

An engineer is someone who washes his hands before going to the toilet - Anon
Did you know that a civil engineer created the slippery part of the water slide?
The Trojan Horse was built by a civil engineer

And if you want to civil know more about civil engineering, please leave a civil comment on this civil blog, and I'll civil think about it.